Art Herbstory (Part 2 of The Plain Truth of the WCG Logo)
A lion doesn’t concern itself with the opinion of sheep, because rarely are they in the same ecosystem. It would be a huge waste of time.
– Anonymous
CS Lewis gave us the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
Herbert Armstrong (he and his followers would have you believe) gave us The
Lion, the Lamb, and the Little Child.
In part one, I took you through the verbiage used in the logo for the Worldwide Church of God.
In this post, we’re looking at the image itself to find some interesting clues
as to what Herbert was really showing us in that illustration.
The First Kingdom.
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| Richard Westall, The Peaceable Kingdom of the Branch |
Peaceable Kingdom of the Branch, an engraving by Richard Westall from 1815, was one of the earliest artistic depictions of Isaiah 11:6.
Before then, nobody really referenced it much and it wasn't something many run of the mill Christians found to be worth memorizing.
HOWEVER, when printing got to be regular thing, Bibles were what sold
best, and the Bibles with printed pictures sold even better. So publishers
started hiring artists to help make illustrated Bibles that could rake in loads
of cash, to help spread the word of God.
The artists of the time, who were eager to finally get to do things like eat and pay rent, did some reading to find passages they thought would make for good illustrations, and Isaiah 11:6 was precicely the type of scripture they were looking for.
The Second Kingdom.
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| Edward Hicks, The Peaceable Kingdom 1826 |
And lo the child with the face like unto Lou Costello did grasp the lion in a headlock
twisting so that the lion's face be upon the anus of the child.
And yea the child's balloon knot called forth the foulest wind of his bowels
sending it swiftly into the face of the lion
so that the waters of his eye came forth as a mighty flood
and his gorge rose up in his throat as if to vomit.
Then spake the child, "Behold, that I have made this lion my bitch!
Pity be upon those who do not heed my commands!"
Whereupon the rest of the animals were sore afraid and did lay down together in peace
inquiring amongst themselves, “whence commeth this fornicator of mothers?"
-(*Book of Ripley 24:7)
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| Thomas Hicks, Portrait of Edward Hicks |
A few years after Peaceable Kingdom of the Branch started showing up in 19th century Bibles, a painter/ Quaker minister named Edward Hicks became so enamored by Westall’s depiction of Isaiah 11:6, that he painted a copy of it.
Unsatisfied with his first version, he painted
it again.
It still wasn't everything he wanted it to be, so he painted it again - and again - and again - and a few more times after that.
Ultimately, between 1820 and 1849, Edward Hicks painted 62 unique versions of Peaceable Kingdom*. When he died at the age of 69, his final version of that scene remained unfinished on his easel.
He had been painting it as a gift for his daughter.
His religious
artwork made Hicks an icon among Quakers and art enthusiasts alike. His works
are prominently displayed in the Smithsonian American Art Museum as well as
other prestigious institutions throughout the United States. Any claim of an Iowa
Quaker (such as HWA) in the early 20th century not being familiar with both him
and his numerous interpretations of Isaiah 11:6 is laughably absurd.
The Rise of the Modern Kingdom
One more thing, very quickly, if you’ll indulge me.
I don’t believe any discussion about Isaiah 11:6, Westall, and Hicks is complete without at least mentioning Horace Pippin and his Holy Mountain series.
Pippin was inspired by Hicks just the same
way that Hicks was inspired by Westall – except that;
- Pippin didn’t do nearly as many interpretations.
- Pippin’s work shows a view of American history very different from what Hicks painted.
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| Horace Pippen, Holy Mountain III |
In the background of the 1826 Peaceable Kingdom from Hicks, William Penn is signing a treaty with the Native Americans, while in Pippin’s Holy Mountain III, we see shapes of soldiers in battle, planes dropping bombs, a lynched body still hanging from a tree, and a cluster of white cross grave markers. Pippen also chose to sign each Holy Mountain painting with a different significant date from US involvement in WWII. (JUNE 6.1944, DEC 7.1944, and AUG 9.1945)
Take a look at the way all 3 men artistically interpreted the scene described in Isaiah 11:6, and notice how the same scene looks so different when seen through eyes of a different time and/or ethnicity.
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Like so many other great ideas HWA had, it’s just an amazing coincidence that someone else thought of it, designed it, painted it, published it, or perfected it first.
But let’s move on, there’s still much more fertile ground to cover here.
What About the Rest of Isaiah's 11th Chapter?
Let’s look at the eleventh chapter of Isaiah in its entirety.
No.
Any Christian worth their WWJD Underoos should be able to tell you that the 11th chapter of Isaiah is about how completely “Totes-Amazeballz” the world is gonna be when Jesus finally gets back from his leadership conference in heaven*.
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| Underwear that's fun to wear |
*[First up, a presentation from the scholar/prophet Daniel on Living Your Dreams,
Followed by a power lunch with Moses on Best Practices for Using Tablets In the Workplace,
And a roundtable discussion with noted disciples Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John on
Telling the Same Story in Different Ways For Maximum Impact]
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Herbert, however, saw the
11th chapter of Isaiah a little differently, because he had the eyes of a megalomaniacal misogynistic greedy pervert.
When he came
across that thin slice of biblical text, he didn’t see Jesus as "the fruit of
the branch sprouted from the stump of Jesse."
He saw himself.
Have You Met My Cousin David?
Herbert’s
followers often called him “the Last Apostle of Christ” or the “End Time
Elijah,” but what he really wanted, was for everyone to know and recognize that
it was Herbert W Armstrong, and he alone, that would be the one leading you into
the Place of Safety And, when the Great Tribulation came to an end, Herbert himself would
be the one guiding you out of the caves at Petra and into the wonderful World Tomorrow.
[NOTE: If you keep talking about the Place of Safety, and telling people where you think it is, wouldn't Satan therefore also know the location of the "Herbert Hideout" and have his minions blow it up or something?]
To make sure
his faithful followers were all on the same page with his being the one
“standing for an ensign of the people,” Herbert ham-fistedly, with all the
subtlety of a six-pack of rhinoceros turds in Steuben punchbowl, scattered breadcrumbs about
his linage all through the WCG publications, videos, and sermons.
In this
"Behind the Work" video from 1983, Herbert lays out his family tree to make
sure his faithful followers have just enough information to see him as, not only having "royal
blood" in his veins, but perhaps, if one were to dig deeper into his ancestry, might discover him to be a
descendent of King David himself.
Now, you might
be wondering, “Did people really think that Herbert Armstrong, a
self-important, white as Wonder Bread, Quaker from Iowa, was directly descended
from the biblical King David?”
But if Herbert Armstrong really was a
direct descendent of David Ben-Jesse, and as we already know, Jesus of Nazareth was a direct descendant of
David Ben-Jesse then that would mean... (GASP!)
Yeah.
Herbert was surreptitiously trying to pass himself off as a blood relation of Jesus the Christ of Nazareth, because (in his diluted mind) King David was (possibly) somewhere on the Herbert W Armstrong family tree; therefore proving his whole “God Family” thing (that he shamelessly plagiarized from the Mormons) is so undeniably true that it’s a great idea for you to follow all of his edicts and send him every last cent of your money.
Flow Charts
Surely, all of this ancestral information was a bit much for some of his followers to understand.
So Herbert had FLOW CHARTS made up and distributed throughout WCG literature and programing to plainly show where he ranked in the hierarchy of the universe.
Naturally, at the top was God the Father, followed of course by Jesus the Son, and then came
Herbert W* Armstrong [*The W is for “what a total crock of shit”] who was Jesus’...
uh ...
… I have no idea.
Maybe a 32nd or 23rd cousin a few hundred times removed?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Now by looking at this chart, we can see all the work that Herbert has to do while Jesus and God just sit on heaven's sofa watching
Armageddon* and eating popcorn.
*[Starring Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis, Steven Tyler’s Daughter, and the big bald black dude from the Green Mile with the soothing, yet somehow still terrifying, voice]
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| This chart inarguably proves that HWA was totally in charge of Earth. |
So now we know how Herbert saw himself in relation to, not just God and Jesus, but to his followers and probably the rest of planet as well.
It's time for us to take another look at
that WCG logo I showed you in part 1 of this 2-part post.
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| This isn't what it pretends to be |
Remember, this image is NOT the depiction of Isaiah 11:6 that it claims to be. We’ve gone over how the 2/3 of the quote on the scroll was actually written by John Gill and Herbert Armstrong, and only contains 17% of the actual biblical text.
We also know that when artists portray the imagery of Isaiah 11:6, they consistently use the correct menagerie from the text - rather than just the most alliterative parts
Let's say that I commissioned you to
paint a portrait of my friend Josh [because he is a handsome actor and a great subject for a work of art]. You, being the artist, are going to accurately paint Josh's portrait, not just his
head, his heart, and his hoo-hoo-dilly.
So if this illustration isn’t of the scripture it misleadingly claims to be, what is it?
I’m so glad you asked.
The Family Portrait
Thanks to the help of Herbert’s handy dandy flow charts, we can see that the Worldwide Church of God logo/official seal is a kind of ‘family portrait’ showing the three most important beings in all of existence.
Right up front you have the
lamb, who is of course, “the Lamb of God” himself, Jesus the Christ of
Nazareth. *
*[To be clear, this is
Jesus of the city of Nazareth located in Israel, not Jesus of the Scottish rock
band Nazareth. - Although both are best known for their statements about
love.]
Next, we come to the leader of this trio, a little child that quite paradoxically (if not ironically) represents God the Father.
By default, God is always the leader. No one can ever out rank Him. He is ALWAYS in charge of any group or gathering he happens to be a part of.
So, in this
scenario, He must be the "little child" leading these two mismatched mammals to places unknown.
Unfortunately, at the moment, this group appears to be waiting for something to happen before they can leave; so
the God Child is looking fairly bored, and wondering if maybe He might want to smite
something nearby. – you know, just to remind everyone who is really in
charge around here.
And finally, we see a HUGE masculine lion looking all powerful and noble. Even though he is behind the other figures, he still manages to dominate the whole scene.
Now,
since Herbert was possibly (in his imagination) descended from King David,
and because (he claimed) God had revealed the truth of the end
times exclusively to him, Herbert's "humble brag" in this
picture was (according to his warped mind) his secret
identity as the real “Lion of Judah” from Revelation
5:5; and everyone who thought that passage referred to Jesus (which is
just about the entire sum total of all Christians everywhere since about 32 AD ) just
didn’t have their facts straight*.
[*In order to get their
facts straight, one must first study theology the same way Herbert did; by spending each afternoon, for a period of 6 months, at the Portland
Public Library - using only the texts that would have been commonly available in the early to mid 1920s]
Let’s go back to that thing I mentioned before, about how the lions were portrayed in the various Peaceable Kingdom works.
Herbert’s version has a few key differences from how the lion of Isaiah 11:6 is almost always represented in artistic interpretations.
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| And a little child shall appear to be totally apathetic about the whole thing. |
- It fills up the entire frame of the picture.
- It is at least a head and a half taller than the child.
- The face of the lion has been elongated and its features have been altered to appear less cat like and more human.
- The lion’s mane is swept back smoothly from the forehead and features a distinctly human hairline with a wide widow’s peak, temporal recessions, and temporal points.
- While the lamb and the child both have vague expressionless faces, the lion appears thoughtfully focused with a slight grin teasing at the corners of his mouth.
Avoiding the Booby-Hatch while Making Millions
FACT: If you tell people you’re related
to God, they’ll think you’re nuts.
HOWEVER, if
you give people just enough information to “discover” your secret relation to God then
they become invested in you.
Because if you’re not really Jesus’ long-lost 123rd cousin (or whatever) like they said you were, then that means they were wrong about you. And getting most human beings to admit to being wrong about something is akin to getting them to agree to extract their own wisdom teeth with a soup spoon.
The very best part though, is you have deniability. You never actually said you were related to God, so some of your followers may just have been confused.
While Herbert is
deserving of a whole host of insults and disparaging comments, you could never correctly
call the man stupid. He lived to a very ripe old age with cash overflowing his various bank accounts and people continuing to praise his name and his teachings long after he was dead.
Carrying a con that big for that long is nearly impossible, and to date, nobody has been able to match his
success.
What gave Herbert a leg up on the other cult leaders, was his ability to persuade perception. Having a background in advertising, gave him the insight to know that consumers like to feel clever.
Aspiring chefs are twice as likely to
buy something sold as, “a baker’s best kept secret,” rather than, “the very best flour.”
Subtle influence is More Profitable Than Brute force.
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| Free literature from WCG |
Without fail, we see Herbert Armstrong nonchalantly revealing that he just happened to have some great literature that tied in with that week’s topic, and he’d love for you to have it ABSOLUTELY FREE.
Herbert would also never fail to throw in some lines like, “you don’t have to send in any money, we don’t want your money, this is all free with no obligation, no one is going to call you or come to your home.”
And then two years later, much to your astonishment, you find that you've somehow given him your entire life savings along with at least 10% of your annual gross income.
Herbert Armstrong was obsessed with appearance and perception as well.
His hypersensitivity to
any form of criticism, along with delusions of persecution, only served to
amplify his psychotic attention to detail.
He was known by the Ambassador College staff to spend hours going over photo proofs for The Envoy (yearbooks for Ambassador College) with a golden ruler and a magnifying glass; measuring the sizes of people’s heads in a particular photo, making sure that no one of a lower rank appeared larger in the photograph than a person of higher rank.
WCG
photographers would often be loudly berated and find their proofs either drowned in
Herbert’s tomato juice or thrown on the floor to be stomped on repeatedly by
God’s enraged “apostle.”
The Lyin' Lion
The Worldwide Church of God logo was meticulously and painstakingly designed and redesigned by Herbert Armstrong until every line was exactly to his satisfaction.
Once it was
ready, he put it everywhere he could think of. My particular favorite were the bright green "feast stickers" that members would put on their cars each fall as they headed to the various "Feast Sites" across America.
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| Inspiration for maniacal honking and waving |
Some years later, Herbert even had his
media team put together a live action video version of the logo, insisting that the same lion that was used in the MGM Studios logo be used for his logo as well. His ego would accept nothing less
than the very best, no matter the cost or difficulty.
The live action logo was produced, but ultimately abandoned after being used only a few times. Herbert said that it didn't feel real enough for people to believe in.
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| Who the hell are you waving at, Herb? |
Herbert, now fully armed with a logo that church members could get behind and rally around, would use the grocery and mortgage money people sent to him as tithes and offerings to have whatever he wanted.
This included buying private audiences with heads of state and/or captains of industry. He’d have his staff find out how much it would cost to get some face time and a photo op with some bigwig, then write a check and fly across the world in his private G3 Gulfstream jet, stay in a 5-star hotel, have a few minutes of small talk with someone like UK Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher about anything they may have had in common or whatever pet charity that Herbert had donated huge sums of money to and snap some photos to put in the Plain Truth or Good News magazines.
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| The "kinky" details will be in another post |
In addition to the huge donations to a Head of State's pet charity or just plain run of the mill bribes to whomever he wished to be seen with, Herbert was fond of giving gifts of very small but expensive crystal animal figurines to these extraordinarily wealthy and powerful people.
Care to venture a guess as to which out of all of God’s creatures was given most often? (Hint: it wasn't a lamb or little child.)
.jpg) |
| Ferdinand Marcos awarding Herbert a "thanks for giving me all that money" medal. |
But just like the official seal
of the Worldwide Church of God, none of us could see that it was actually something
completely different from what we believed it to be.
And it was right in front of our faces the entire time.
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