Oh, You Too?

 When I started this blog, I never expected it to be more than just a place for me to open up about my experiences.

Being contacted by former or current members of the WCG and/or its various splinter groups wasn't something that had even crossed my mind when I began writing about Herbert Armstrong and the financial, spiritual, emotional, and physical damage that he caused in so many lives. 

My blog was and is a kind of therapy. MySoCultLife.org is a big part of my process to shake loose the dark shadows of a doomsday cult that cling to my id / ego / superego and render me not quite capable of relating to a "normal" life. 

Some echoes of cult life are funny little eccentricities (like the overwhelming urge to read the ingredients on a packet of crackers that come with your soup at a restaurant, to see if they are made with lard); and others are severe enough to require medication and therapy to help control them (including, but not limited to  recurring nightmares, suicidal ideation, irrational fears, paranoia, an inability to trust, and chronic severe anxiety and depression.) 

Nevertheless, shortly after my first post, I started getting emails and texts from people who had read my blog and wanted to share stories and aftereffects of their Armstrongism experience with me. Over time, getting contacted by strangers who shared my experiences and related to my stories, became a regular thing. Much to my surprise, I started to enjoy finding these messages in my inbox. It was an unexpected perk to have occasional confirmation that I'm not the only one who is walking this path and trying to merge the difficulty of then into the improvement of now. 

The Youth magazine for teens and tweens
that never failed to find new and profound ways
to add additional stress and anxiety to our natural adolescent awkwardness .

I've had a couple of people tell me that they were in the process of joining a WCG splinter group and changed their mind because they came across my blog. A number of people have contacted me asking for help on how to leave an Armstrongist cult. Mostly though, people just want what I want, which is to connect with and relate to someone who understands the unique challenges of being an Armstrong Survivor. 

Processing the responses and requests of my readers is still pretty tough for me, because I never set out to "save" anyone. I'm just remembering and commenting on my experiences here to get things off my chest and to create some kind of lasting record of what it was like and how hard it can be sometimes to  have "normal" experiences like eating a crab cake or singing Christmas carols without experiencing a kind of echoing anxiety. 

I'm gonna level with you here. 

Being asked to help someone leave cult life and Armstrongism behind them feels uncomfortable and awkward. There's no way that I would ever refuse to help anyone get out, but I'm not a therapist or psychologist. I don't have any kind of training in best practices for liberating a cult defector. Being a survivor doesn't automatically give me the knowledge of how to help people process their fear and doubt. All I know for sure is what choices and actions worked well for me and the mistakes that made my situation worse instead of better.

My experience has shown me that suicide can be a strong temptation when faced with the choice to stay in a miserable situation or cut ties with the people closest to you and start a completely new life in social isolation.

 There's also the ever-present  second guessing of, "what if I'm just being tempted by demons and now I have to face The Great Tribulation (the WCG name for Armageddon)  and burn in the Lake of Fire for leaving The Church?"

Basil Wolverton illustrated The Bible Story with nightmare fuel for children like me.

When I saw the news that a member of an Armstrongist splinter church had gone on a murderous suicidal rampage back in 2005, I was alarmed at how easily I could understand and almost sympathize with his actions. 

To say that Armstrongism discourages getting help from a mental health professional does injustice to the cruelty of the doctrine. Seeking help from a physician for a physical health problem is sometimes allowed as long as prayer and anointing have been given ample time to show results. For mental health issues though, there is no remedy, therapy, or recourse outside of your local pastor. PERIOD.

A painfully obvious common trait of all cults is their vitriol for the mental health sciences.

Scientology poster boy and Couch Jumping Jehovah Tom Cruise, bluntly demonstrated on the Today show back in 2004 the dangerous and misguided default position of cults in general on psychoanalysis and psychopharmacology. I wonder if he could ever admit to himself the amount of collateral damage that he caused that particular morning.

Cults simply cannot exist if all of their members are mentally fit and fully aware of their state of mind, so it makes sense that they all preach the same message of the evils of psychiatry/psychology and demand resolute mental healthcare abstinence. Add that to a society that already has a hefty stigma attached to mental health issues and you've got individuals with a pathological psychological dependence on cult membership.

Leaving a cult is a herculean emotional and logical endeavor that severely strains some regions of the brain and takes others right up to their breaking point, making cult defection a delicate dance on a very high wire. A single misstep could result in renewed and strengthened cult dependence, a fugue state, a psychotic break, and/or suicide depending on the individual and the circumstances of their departure from the cult.

Occasionally I get people telling me that they have a friend in Armstrongism or another cult like Scientology, Jehovah's Witness, or Unification Church and they say they are going to "save them." They always want my help or advice on how to proceed but never react well when I say, "consult a mental health professional that specializes in cults before you do anything else." That's not what they want to hear.

Only when it's someone dealing with Armstrongism issues, will I share my opinions, offer helpful suggestions, encourage self esteem, and promote confidence in making independent choices, but there is no avoiding getting help from a trained, licensed, and hopefully experienced (cult specialists aren't easy to find) counselor, therapist, psychiatrist, or psychologist.

I've come to see that blogs like mine serve a broader purpose and come with certain responsibilities.  

It's not enough to just share my experiences and impressions of being raised and indoctrinated in the Worldwide Church of God. I also have to discuss it, answer questions about it, listen to what others have to say about it, and above all help people understand that cults aren't just what you see on Netflix documentaries or historical news accounts of Heaven's Gate, Branch Davidians, or People's Temple.

Cults aren't traps for the weak minded or gullible members of society.

Cults aren't all about bizarre rituals, sexual assault, and death.

Cults are in all parts of society and invisible (or at least well camouflaged) in most communities.

Cults are insidious, illusive, and seemingly banal.
Cult members usually don't seem crazy, stupid, or perverse. They're your neighbors, coworkers, and service providers. 

The only way cults can be eliminated is for them and their members to be better understood and more easily recognized in context. That requires more education and open discussion of the subject, with less talk about poisoned Kool-Aid (actually is was Flavor Aid but historical accuracy isn't sexy)  and purple shrouds. The best way to promote understanding and to educate people about cults, is for survivors like me to share our experiences openly, without fear of how we might look in the eyes of those who don't yet understand.

So if you want to share your stories about your favorite Feast of Tabernacles or funny story about something that happened during the Days of Unleavened Bread (I have a few of those myself) please feel free.

Share them with me via email, in the comments, on social media, or however you like.

I promise to listen closely to what you say whenever and however you choose to tell it.